Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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