We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize