Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
