this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
