First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
