I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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