we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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