I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
