I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
