I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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