You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
