kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
