pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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