Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He shit in the fireplace
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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