Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
