why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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