Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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