you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize