Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's just like the Real World with babies
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
