just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
