I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
