when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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