This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
