Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
