I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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