I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
