matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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