i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
