I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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