Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
