come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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