I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
