I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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