So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
