Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
