Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
