Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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