All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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