Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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