Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
