He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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