she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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