She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
