I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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