Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
