She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
