he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
accomplished twins. life is a go
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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