i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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