My brain says no but my pants say off.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
