the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize