Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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