If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
