I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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