you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Mom said you looked used
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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