I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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