Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
