I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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