Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Operation Purity has been aborted
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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