I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
