So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize