What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
