i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
