Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
