thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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