Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
