Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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