I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
