If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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