walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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