So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
