I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
