About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
