So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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