Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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