do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk is not a location!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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