Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
